This blog is about the journey from here to there. That’s because my life is also about that journey. So is yours, so is everybody’s. It’s what being human is about. The only difference between people is the way they define here and there.
This is my definition of here:
I hold a deep belief that I am capable of making art. I secretly believe it’s my highest calling, the thing that I most want to do with my life.
Yet I don’t release art into the world. I write words that nobody is allowed to read, I compose music that nobody is allowed to hear. I start projects and invent reasons to abandon or sabotage them the moment they become real..
I am a two-year old, shouting and waving for attention when being ignored, then suddenly bashful and desperate to hide when someone looks my way.
Why? Because I also secretly believe that my belief is ridiculous. Who am I to think I can succeed where so many others fail? I abhor arrogance and presumption and am terrified of hubris.
Increasingly, I am afraid of not being good enough. Of having my dreams shattered once and for all. Of discovering, without doubt or possibility of redemption, that I do not have what it takes.
Because what would I do then? How could I even live? What would life be for? Who would I be if I couldn’t cling to art and this dream of significance?
My deepest fear is learning I am average.
This is my definition of there:
A state of being where I am pursuing my goals and utilising my talents to the fullest. Of reaching my potential. Of having the confidence to define myself as an artist without apology and the self-belief to defy the world’s unyielding pressure to conform and stay small.
To create honestly and release work for those who see the world as I do. To share the joy of being alive and bring comfort in times of despair.
‘It’s OK’, my work will say ‘You are not alone.’
A journey begins with a single step.
This is it.